Estonia survivor: The wreck is not a grave

What do you remember most vividly today, 27 years later?

The moment the ferry started sinking. When it was clear it was over.

Where were you at the time?

I was on a life raft with other people who were helping one another and saw it through the entrance. People were still on board… (pauses to think). People were everywhere.

Do these images still haunt you or have the years brought peace?

They haunt me from time to time. Because I was very young at the time, just 20 years old, I felt fine mentally and physically after the disaster. The dreams and memories came a decade later. I had no fear of dying then, there were a lot of other thoughts. That comes later. People are different. It is said some people just remained in their cabins, sitting in shock. While many climbed over everything, trying to survive.

How did you manage to reach the life raft?

When I arrived, two passengers started pulling me in by my hands, which is impossible at sea. Those who have had training know one cannot get into the raft that way because of one’s bodyweight. Luckily, there was a crewmember on board who pulled me in by my waist. We started pulling others in together. I think our life raft had 30 people, while it was meant for 25.

How long did you spend on board?

We were the last ones to be rescued. I believe it was around seven in the morning, so more than five hours.

What do you remember of those five hours on the raft?

I was cold and scared, and I also felt sleepy at times. I dreamt that women in our crew were sitting around on the ferry, asking when will the training finally end. A passenger panicked at one point – she did not have a life preserver and people were starting to lose their cool. I decided to give her my life jacket. She just hugged it like a teddy bear and peace was restored. We lost several people in the end as the bottom of our life raft gave out when they were lifting us out of the sea.

The raft gave when the rescue team had arrived and people simply fell in the sea?

Yes, they were trying to lift the entire raft using a winch to save the people from having to climb out, but the raft was too heavy as the floor was flooded – it just broke. Everyone started climbing to the roof. I was scared then because I no longer had a life preserver. Half the people in the raft survived. (The woman Vask gave his life jacket to also perished – E. M. L.)

Did you have time to think about the whereabouts of your aunt who worked in the MS Estonia galley?

I will be honest in saying that I did not have time to think about it. I started wondering when they pulled us out.

And what did you learn?

I learned that… (Jüri Vask’s voice breaks and he turns his back to the camera). My aunt did not survive and we now meet here, at the MS Estonia monument.

What was her name?

Valentina Toom.

Was Valentina’s body recovered or does she remain below?

Her body belongs to the sea.

Various investigations have been launched recently. Do you support them?

I do. The more we investigate, the closer we will come to finding out the truth. I want to know the truth.

There has been an international investigation. Is that not enough?

Because people do not believe everything happened as the report suggests. And considering the fact a lot of new information to suggest it didn’t has come to light. Additional expeditions are needed to ascertain the truth and for people to have peace.

Would the recent state investigation have sufficed?

The more investigations, the more they will learn. There could be a third one as far as I’m concerned.

Some suggest these expeditions are violating the sanctity of a grave.

This has never been a concern, at least among the people I know, because everyone wanted the truth instead of peace for the dead. The wreck is not a grave! Wrecks are investigated, it is a common practice. Plane crashes are also investigated. I do not see a difference. It was a disaster the causes of which need to be ascertained as we all want the truth.

Some people believe Margus Kurm is not fit to lead the expedition.

At least he is doing something. I don’t know anyone else who is. He has spearheaded the entire effort and I am grateful for it.